Bonk, Bonk, onna head! I’m sharing in this HumpDay Helper a great way to look and FEEL younger, and the semi-embarrassing story about falling off a stool while filming and getting bonked on the head. Saw stars. And how I erased the pain and bruise that was forming so you can do it too. Try it, and let me know how you’re getting along!
I’m thinking about all the clients I’ve worked with this week, and all the things they’ve been telling me about how fear, shame, guilt and self-sabotage waylaid them for years and kept them from getting their brilliance out there, from helping the people they were put on earth to help, from having a life they loved.
It threw me into memories of how it was for me a handful of years ago. Because we have safe space in here, I want to share a difficult and painful story. It’s about:
Feeling shamed & laughed at
Feeling invisible & marginalized
Feeling like those we love don’t support us
Feeling “less than” another person or group
Feeling afraid to fail
It’s about your health being attached to the health of your business. It’s vital that both are in synch. And if something goes wrong with your health…your business will suffer too. This more than goes for mental and emotional health as well as health of the physical body.
All of these have come into play in my life, and maybe yours too…
A handful or two of years ago in a galaxy far, far away….I was losing the weight I’d gained while lying in bed paralyzed, was getting my diet figured out and was back in the gym. I was starting to look better and feel great, and a hundred and twenty-five pounds slid off me with the effort I was putting out. My energy was high and I was getting more clients, and a lot of props.
But then…as my relationship creaked to a close a few years later, the weightloss also ground to a crawl. It didn’t matter how many hours I put in at the gym or how great my diet was. Plus which, my face had started to show visible signs of age. Slowly, no matter what I did, some of the weight slowly piled back on. Midlife hormones had finally hit.
And a strange thing happened.
It was a little thing, but it was everything. At the gym, in the women’s locker room, which is always full of middle aged and older women along with the younger gals…my appearance was held up to criticism by two smug, thin, and younger women.
One said to the other: “I hope I’m never old and sad looking like some people” and flicked her eyes at me. Her friend laughed. I thought I had misheard. But then they both laughed, looking just barely past me, and rolled their eyes, giggling. I looked away. I didn’t know what to think. And what did she mean by “sad”? I was in a great mood at the time…or had been.
I have a hugely healthy dose of self-respect and always have, but I’ve had my challenges feeling worthy, loved and respected just like anyone else. I don’t feel or see myself as old today, and certainly didn’t years ago when this happened.
And as a woman who has spent much of her life overweight from the effects of being bedridden when a paraplegic, fat-shaming no longer affects me. I did my work on that ages ago. But being shamed for the natural process of aging…that was something new, horrible, and tremendously diminishing.
Even worse, when I told my friends later, they said I should get over it and not be so sensitive. I was humiliated by the incident, then again when I shared with women who should have supported me. I haven’t shared this story since, until now.
It was the first time I was made very firmly aware that I had lost my place at the table of Relevance and Inclusion. It was the first time I was aware that others viewed me as older, not in my still-relevant thirties or even early forties. Relegated to the “quaint but harmless” category.
I slunk out of the locker room trying to blend into the wall. I felt everyone could see my fat, wrinkled, old-ass self and looked down on me…even though I know that’s not true and I have been fondly regarded by everyone I’ve met there.
I was just getting my new business out there and was starting to catch fire and go viral. Clients were crawling out of the woodwork to get on my waiting list. Everyone wanted me to partner with them in their next business venture. I was on every telesummit, radio show and podcast.
But when I heard those words “I hope I’m never as old and sad”, my heart sank, I fell into a horrendous cycle of self-hatred and despair, and couldn’t complete on any business assignment that involved speaking or being visible in any way.
Months went by and I actively avoided speaking engagements, conference keynote and breakout requests and doing videos.
I went into mourning for the young woman I had been, wondering when she had been lost along the way, and not knowing where to find her again or if it was even possible.
Finally, my business coach reached out to me in a “get real” session and we flat busted it back to normal Maryam…who found out that she is still attractive, still useful, still smart as hell, still young, fresh and beautiful within. Just with a more seasoned wrapper.
I cautiously began accepting speaking engagements again and realized that the people I was speaking to either didn’t care about my age or actively appreciated it. I became aware that my appearance was largely a function of the maturity of the person looking at me. Then I ceased to care what anyone thought of me. I made a video. Then another. Now I can’t get enough of it. I kept ramping up and the clients and speaking engagements increased and increased.
So if anyone makes comments on your appearance, or you’re at the point in life where your age is recognized and being negatively commented on, know that is just says more about the immature person throwing shade on you than it does about you as a person.
Don’t worry about what others are doing or saying. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks of you – that’s none of your business.
BE focused on the service you are here to deliver, on the immense gift you are in the world. GIVE your Perfect Clients exactly what they want, and you WIN every time.
You’re just fine. You’re awesome just as you are. And this is True.
If this story resonates with you, let me know in the comments below. And give yourself a hug for me.
Guy at coffee condiment bar does reach-around for the cream, looks me dead in the eye and says, smiling, “So what you have to realize, is it’s not all about the metrics. Other things, like the human factor, matter just as much.” I quell the urge to be offended (since when have metrics been more important to me than the human factor? Never!), and perform a quick memory search.
Do I know this attractive young Indian gentleman with the man-bun? And is it a man-bun or is he merely an un-turbaned Sikh?
A thousand questions crowd in as he adds sugar, smiling, and says conversationally:
“I could definitely help you with that…if you’d like to mesh gears over dinner tonight.”
I fight the urge to pull age-rank on him and prepare to say “Look buddy, I don’t know what your trip is but we aren’t meshing anything anywhere…” when he does another reach-around for a napkin, pulls an earpiece out of his ear and pressing the mute, says “So sorry, didn’t mean to involve you in my conversation. Modern life. What can you do?”
Er. Let it go to voicemail and call back from the cafe bathroom like everybody else?
Feeling like a walking anachronism in a place too speeded-up for its own good…
Humanitarian, Ruler, Alchemist or Romantic? Your likes, dislikes, the way you love to live when life is easiest and most in flow for you, points to the Sacred Power-laden Archetypes that set you apart from all your competition. You can use your Sacred Power Archetypes to uniquely express your business in a way that causes your Perfect Clients and Customers to immediately identify with your products and services. Or, use the assessment to brand yourself personally for job interviews, Taking this assessment, choose the rating that is closest for you for each question. The first answer that comes is usually the right one.
Welcome To Your Sacred Power Archetypes Assessment
Humanitarian, Ruler, Alchemist or Romantic? Your likes, dislikes, the way you love to live when life is easiest and most in flow for you, points to the Sacred Power-laden Archetypes that set you apart from all your competition.
You can use your Sacred Power Archetypes to uniquely express your business in a way that causes your Perfect Clients and Customers to immediately identify with your products and services. Or, use the assessment to brand yourself personally for job interviews,
Taking this assessment, choose the rating that is closest for you for each question. The first answer that comes is usually the right one.
I wrote this on my blog in 2011 but the world was still jiggling in the middle, unsure of itself, and not quite ready. I think we’re cooked now, & Very Done. Time for a reheat.
We are in a time of transition from the old way of doing things to the New Earth spoken of by philosophers, sages and spiritual teachers. Many of us know that the old ways no longer work, that greed, exclusivity and living unconsciously are doing more harm than good.
Many of us have dedicated ourselves to finding a new way, a better way for Earth and her People.
This Manifesto is written for you — the Leaders of the Evolution.
Now is a time when more leaders of good heart and conscience are needed — more than ever before. These transformational leaders are rising — from the PTA, from the helping professions, from Buddha mechanics, to Mother Teresa-like social workers, inspired martial arts and spiritual practitioners, lay philosophers and even that helpful guy behind you in line at the store.
The word “leader” is only sometimes part of our title or official job description. We sometimes feel like a fraud because of this, but it doesn’t stop us getting our transformative message out there and changing people’s lives.
We are parents, we are professionals, we are computer nerds, yoga devotees, teachers, choir leaders, doctors, lawyers priest/esses, politicals, bloggers, literati, technorati and environmentalists. We are green, sustainable and biodiverse. We are multicultural, metaphysical, and school of hard knocks.
We are freedom fighters, and we are occasionally a little scared about being a conduit for the Big Important Message we have for the world. But we persevere in working on our own issues, and getting that message out there.
Evolutionary Leaders come from all walks of life, and are found wherever people are rising up to a better life, kinder planet, personal liberation and a sustainable future.
We have a single uniting theme: to help our planet and her many peoples grow into a more sustainable, spiritually evolved, happier and healthier state.
We do our work in small groups and large, from school to meetups to government, small circles of friends to multi-national corporations.
We are everywhere and our time is Now.
Join me in this exciting and rewarding adventure quest! Materials to help you in your Leadership are coming from all possible nooks and crannies of the internet, especially from the blogosphere (many right here on Medium), and are springing up globally in many similar places, from teachers both online, and near you.
I invite you to take the powerful step of proclaiming your Evolutionary Leadership for all to see — it puts a powerful intention out in the world that draws your perfect audience to you.
If that appeals share your wisdom widely, generously, with good heart and willing spirit. Encourage others to their best and support developing leaders. It puts you in good company. And when in doubt, use this Code of Ethics as a guide.
An Evolutionary Leader…
- Is collaborative, generous, inquiring, speaks well of others and maintains a professional, collegial relationship with competitors and colleagues.
- Is open to new streams of thought, new patterns of energy and better ways of doing things. These new and different patterns school the Evolutionary Leader in their craft, and are welcomed teachers.
- Is compassionate to those who “don’t get it” and is adept (or is becoming so) at the art of tailoring the message to the listener.
- Is compassionate towards themself first. Considers each day a blessing and the opportunity to work on self first and foremost, both an honor and a sacred duty. A truly Evolutionary Leader remembers with compassion their own need for growth and healing, especially while working with others.
- Is impeccable with their word, especially when it’s personally tough or may cause discomfort. Does not hide or shy away from truths painful to self or others, but works to transform them.
- Exemplifies generosity and abundance in thoughts, teachings, finances, personal and community health and relationships. If still in training as a Leader, focuses on getting past blockages in these areas first.
- Has serious mad ninja skills in their particular area of expertise, that help them help their community. Always shares these skill-set goodies widely.
- Gives credit where it is due, while supporting group evolution. Works to magnify and extend others’ best efforts. Shines a light on others’ good works gladly, and nurtures new leadership.
- Empowers the weakest to grow, not acting as a crutch, but also not leaving anyone behind. We all get out of here alive, and thriving — together.
- Keeps the pace of group learning and evolution a stretch for the majority, while including slower learners, and empowering faster-paced learners to consistently take on more responsibility and encourage slower learners in the group.
- Has a consistent daily practice to expand their own consciousness, health, spirituality, and mental processing, and holds space for these as goals for working with their group.
- Is an energy mover and recognizes where energy is flowing in personal and group situations. Knows how to simply and quickly modify their own body/mind and environment. Can shape and lead the combined energy of a group in a harmonious and transformative manner.
- Plans for the hiccups and backslides in progress that there may be, addressing them gently but firmly so that all might benefit.
- Practices compassion, but does not sit silent in the face of corruption, greed, human rights violations or other abuses of power, speaking out and actively finding ways for these energies to be re-routed beneficially.
- Shares power and responsibility gracefully, lovingly grooms their successors, and plans for their own retirement as a Leader.
- Knows when the time has come to transform their own role, leaving the group they are working with if necessary, gracefully facilitating both their own exit and new leadership succession.
- Continues their quest for personal and world evolution, serving wherever they are needed, always willing to go beyond the expected, the known, the tried-and-true to get to the core essence.
- Keeps themselves joyously open, curious, and willing to be pleasantly surprised.
How are you being an Evolutionary Leader in your own life?
What about this Manifesto do you agree or disagree with?
What would you add to improve the suggestions here?
Most importantly…what is your next step to help your people evolve?
I help passionate, mission-driven women entrepreneurs to create sustainable, spiritually fulfilling and socially-just businesses that foster a kind, loving and evolutionary human presence on the planet.
If you would like my help to Be the Evolutionary Leader your tribe is looking for book a chat with me.
I’m focusing right now on the basics to get you some of the vital help you need fast. Specifically, I wondered how I could help more women ditch their limiting beliefs and inner criticism and get their businesses profitable without stressing out or working every hour of the day, and get the help they offer out to more of the people that need it.
I was seeing so many women exhausted and not knowing where to turn, and fretted about not being able to help everyone I met. That was also ME a decade ago! And I didn’t get to where I am today alone. It was only through meeting with other wildly talented women, sharing our knowledge, hiring my own coach and participating in masterminds that I broke out of it.
But often starting anything like this takes too much time and effort if you don’t know what you’re doing, and you need a mentor who knows what THEY are doing to help you along.
So, I created a free, year-long Mastermind Group on Facebook for you and your business. It’s called the Changing Woman Café, and I would love to have you join us!
In this space, you’ll be warmly welcomed home, given your favorite tea or coffee and be invited to cozy up with us and get some real help on real issues you have in your life and business.
See me sing songs of revolution and help you empower the evolution your life and business can be. Join my new free mastermind here:
I’m doing a lot of live video training for you there, answering your burning questions about life, business, marketing, getting clients, keeping it all sane and more. Grab a cup of your favorite tea or coffee and pull up a comfy chair.
This sister circle supports ambitious, big-hearted women entrepreneurs everywhere around the world who want help transforming stuck places, manifesting awesome outcomes, making more money, and doing business for social good.
If your life and business is aimed at being an example of the help and healing you want to see in the world, you’re in the right place. Changing Woman Café is where you can share and receive the treasured ideas that only come with time, experience, and maturity.
Changing Woman Café is the outgrowth of my deep work coaching women entrepreneurs, business owners and executives in Silicon Valley, and around the world…
I’m adding experience from my thirty years in personal and industrial/marketing psychology, and my specialty: eliminating the gremlins of Limiting Beliefs and the Inner Saboteur that keep you hidden, small and unsuccessful.
Because you don’t have time to waste, you need to know the best business practices that work in today’s world and with your unique skills and talents – not cookie cutter methods every guru teaches, so get in here!
Please join us at: Changing Woman Cafe
I’m looking forward to meeting you in the Cafe, and seeing how I can help you grow, profit & thrive!
And If You’re Ready
Want to uplevel your life and business right now and get my help to do it? Apply for your no-cost World Changing Woman Breakthrough session with me & let’s go!
I Stand in Solidarity with all Peace-Loving Peoples of Earth.
I Stand for Human rights including Women’s rights, the rights of the LGBTQ community, the rights of Persons of Color, of our Elders, of the Differently Abled, and of Children.
I Stand…for a person’s right to live the Lifestyle they please and to Worship and honor the Creative Force of the Universe — or not — as they please, if it harms none.
I Stand…for the Animals of this planet having safe living environments, access to clean food and water, peaceful interactions with humans, freedom to roam and humane treatment in all areas.
I Stand…for Clean Food and Water, Clean Air to Breathe, and Loving Interactions between all people, for all time.
I Stand…for all people to have gainful and nourishing employment, to have the freedom of choice, adequate shelter, food and healthcare.
I Stand…for each child to be deeply nourished with words of encouragement and love, to know from the very beginning of life the precious gift they are, and limitless potential they have.
I Stand…for a world in which all are truly equal, fully conscious, self-actualized, and know deep inner peace and happiness.
Because all of us do not yet have these things…
We won’t wait any longer. We are Done.
This day, We Rise.
We have had enough, and are not about to put up with anyone’s horseshit. We are fully militarized. Combat-ready in our bare skins, We Rise.
We will not be silenced, we will not be ignored, and this time we will not just march, protest and write letters.
This day, We Rise.
This time, We Act. And We Won’t Stop.
This day, We Rise.
This time, we will not fold when our brothers and sisters are kidnapped in the night by cowards and bullies and herded off to camps.
Because that will NEVER happen again.
“Not In Our Name” will you vilify, cage and murder our brothers and sisters.
We, who have Risen, will see to it. So help us, Anne Frank and George Takei.
We are Awake, Aware and fully ready to love fiercely, freely and forever.
We are ready to Go to War.
How that war unfolds, is the province of those with the strongest Vision and the will to take it forward. Our spirits are strong, our dreams are deep and We Dream True, as We Rise.
The Army of Love and “Hell no, NOT on my Watch!” stands ready to turn the tide.
Armed with better tools, deeper knowledge, with love in our hearts and joyous eyes, We Rise.
We own the media.
We ARE the media.
And the Truth has set us Free.
We are Worldwide, we are Awakened, and we love too deeply ever to be deceived by cheap tricks or slip into slumber again.
This time, we are ready.
This time, we are FIERCE.
And today, We Rise.
If you’ve already spent too much time, energy and money on learning all about the mechanics of running a business (Facebook Ads, Google Adwords, sales letters, website creation for a start) and are STILL not really any better off than you were 12 months ago, there is a huge opportunity out there you might not even realise you’ve been missing.
It’s the fact that women need a different kind of business training to men.
Women-owned businesses have a far higher churn rate (the rate of new ones opening and closing down) because the support women need is in creating a unique, authentic business they feel confident about – not just learning the mechanics of marketing and lead generation.
I mean, what do you do with all those leads IF you manage to attract them if you’re not confident about what you can offer them? Or if you’ve spent all that effort and realize you’ve been attracting the wrong KIND of leads?
Actually, it’s even bigger than that:
- The vast majority of working women say being self-employed would be the solution they’re looking for yet a large proportion end up returning to the constraints of employment within 3 years due to feelings of uncertainty, insecurity or guilt.
- Most women don’t know how to structure a small business so it will create the regular income they need and are unaware of the abundance of tools and resources now available.
- The women who take that big first step to actually start a business are the ones who absolutely have what it takes to make the money and the impact they want to make – but they need to be shown how.
- With retirement a ways off for most of us, and the fact that, realistically, our children are likely to be at home for longer than ever before – making a success of your own business is the only way most of us will ever have a chance of achieving our financial goals.
However, knowing that owning your own business is the perfect way to take control of your future, and actually MAKING IT WORK are two COMPLETELY different things.
Well, if you’re an entrepreneur who has already embraced the reality that the work you do on the inside – on understanding your own worth, building your self-confidence and creating a unique and authentic business, for example – is just as important (if not more so) than all that techy stuff, that’s fantastic! You’re ahead of the curve!
But…are you using it to creating the business and the future you REALLY want?
Now if you’re a self-employed woman who has been struggling along on your own, concentrating solely on the mechanics of it all just waiting for things to finally take off, what are you waiting for? If the things you’ve been doing haven’t worked so far, why not take a look at what really successful people focus on? Every day you put off you continue to lose opportunities, clients and income.
No matter which group you fall into, I have some fantastic news for you.
My good friend Emma Hague, is offering something brand new — a FREE 3-day virtual training from January 11th – 13th, ALL about creating and keeping more money, building your confidence, attracting your ideal clients, creating a business that is grounded in your strengths, values and personality and getting the tools, resources & support you need to create that breakthrough you need NOW as a self-employed woman.
It’s called “Business Breakthrough Secrets!”
Here’s the link to reserve your space:
Emma has brought together 12 master teachers including me, Maryam, in ONE powerful virtual training course to teach you all our secrets on using all the tools and resources available to you as a determined, but frustrated self-employed woman so that you can create a profitable, unique and authentic business that will support your family for life.
IMPORTANT: This NOT the “same old, same old” talks floating round – this is brand new material designed specifically for this event.
In fact, here are a few juicy tidbits you’ll discover from this first-time-ever, exclusive training:
- DOZENS of SPECIFIC techniques you can implement IMMEDIATELY to create your own business breakthrough (whatever level you’re at right now)
- The EXACT steps to take to re-boot your business in order to attract your IDEAL CLIENTS (Actually you’re going to learn MANY different strategies so you can pick the ones that resonate with where you are right now and focus on those to get started).
- The things you should avoid AT ALL costs to make sure you don’t waste your valuable time and money on ideas that just don’t work.
- And much more…
Here’s that link again so you can reserve you place on this complimentary 3 Day Live Virtual Training Event.
INSTANT BONUS: When you grab your seat today you will immediately receive access to the truly life-changing seminar “You Were Born Rich” with the amazing contributor to ‘The Secret’, Bob Proctor. Prepare to be surprised and enlightened!