Many of my clients get referred to me after having been to coach after coach and not getting what they need to go forward in life or business. These strongly opinionated and passionate women want to fill a desperate need they see in the world, but typically don’t know how to start, and may not have enough support around them to achieve a goal like that.
Women perhaps, like yourself.
I specialize in helping women like you to bring big, important and often difficult projects into being. I do that by creating a transformative environment grounded in deep trust, full support of you as an awesome gift to yourself and the world, and the inability to do or say anything wrong. In this transformative container it’s possible to try on new behaviors, beliefs, identities and states of being.
In short, it becomes truly possible to create the world you want to live in.
And – this is real important – anything goes. It absolutely has to for you to feel safe enough to take the deep dive into transformation that you need to in order to create the changes you want to see in your world.
You can cuss & swear in session if you want to – heaven knows, I do from time to time. You can complain about how unfair things are…then enjoy creating the fairness you want to experience in your life and in the world, together.
And I swear to Goddess, I will never tell you “Life is unfair – get over it”. I would never insult you like that. That’s not productive and it doesn’t let you feel safe to fail.
And you need to fail. In fact, it’s mandatory in the creation of any Great Work like you’re contemplating. Whether that’s doing the Sistine Chapel one better or creating a simple, workable life for yourself that has a lot of what you want and none of what you don’t…you need to fail, fail fast, and “fail forward”.
In fact there is a hugely important bit of recoding you need to do around failure – There is no Failure. There is only feedback, data and collecting and learning from that data in order to get to the right answer as swiftly as possible.
Failing is one of the coolest things in the world because it bring you invaluable data about how you need to proceed to go forward. But our culture has so demonized this kind of data-gathering as a Bad Thing that most people feel unsafe to share that they’ve found yet-another way not to accomplish their objective.
Them: “EWW…you FAILED. Failure is bad. Therefore, You = Bad.”
Waah! No fair at all! As a coach, I actively WANT you to share the failures with me so we can celebrate them. Any coach worth their headset will agree.
Celebrate? What am I, crazy?
Well yes, just a little bit and in a good way, but that’s beside the point.
We celebrate failures because we hold the coaching container as one of sacred space and part of that being to “fail forward”. That is, when you find another way not to do it, it points to one or more ways to actually get the thing done right.
So talking in safe space about how something didn’t work actually helps create your future success, and do so all the quicker.
So it’s important to first celebrate success as it cultivates the habit in you of actively seeking that which brings success, and to celebrate what you may have once viewed as failures because they are brilliant research that helps you find the way to the Promised Land all the faster.
You’re held here in whatever place you are coming in the door, and it doesn’t matter if that’s bright and chipper or bitchy and gloomy. We’ll work with it. Because…even your Glooms are sacred.
You can also come into session being upset about your friends and family not supporting your project or laughing at your dreams of a better world. Or that your lovely new outfit got splattered with mud, or the milk was sour and you couldn’t have coffee this morning without it and you can’t think straight without coffee. (it happens) Whatever crazycakes are going on, it’s All Good.
As a Business turnaround coach, I am that support you need to go forward, and you can lean on until you learn how to support yourself and even after. I’ll teach you how to create support in your life that arrives naturally, without efforting, and creates the world you want to live in.
I’ll also help when you’ve “tried it all before and it didn’t work”. Because I have more than an inkling of why that is.
There is a Fatal Presupposition in the traditional model of life and business coaching – that you KNOW what you want to do, or should be doing. In my experience, the answer to that is not always at the top of the pile. Sometimes you DON’T know what you should be doing, and you seek a coach to help dig it out of you. But they either respond with a plain vanilla worksheet that doesn’t help, or with the tired old saw:
“well, if you did know, what would you do?”
Not only will I never be so simplistic and reductionist in answer to your legitimate questions and difficulties, I promise never ask you that question at all.
“If you did know…” was once a very powerful transformation question, when it was used in the right place at the right time and very, very sparingly. Today, this question and those like it that are taught in coaching schools are used as a standard reply, every session, five or six times a session and usually by coaches without depth background in human processing. This is not their fault, but it does signal the need for further training and experience.
When you ask a question that ends with “…and I have no idea how to get that done” your coach should respond with a transformative conversation about the subject that ends up with you getting much closer to or even landing right on the answer you need.
Here’s an example of a real coaching conversation that took place between my client Nell* and I, this past week. As you’ll see, Nell quantum leaped from “I have no idea” to “I’m going out and implementing as soon as I hang up the phone”.
This is in my own style – each coach coaches differently – and shows just one way that you can access your own inner wisdom that knows better than anyone, what you should do and when.
(* name changed to protect client privacy)
Nell: “I think I want to help hungry children get fed, but I don’t know where to start. There are so many charities out there, how do I know I’m working with the right one? How do I maximize the energy I’m putting out there? How do I know what to do next?
Me: “Let’s look at that. So, when you have been really effective at getting hungry children fed, and you can see their happy smiling faces and know that you had a part in making them smile – how does that make you feel? What part of you feels that?”
Nell: “My heart feels warm and my stomach feels light and giddy!”
Me: “Great! So that’s one Passion Point, and your frontline Filter: Warm Heart + Light/Giddy Stomach. That will tell you what your next move is. Here’s how. Put one hand on your stomach, the other on your heart…now consider your first option of charity to work with. How do your stomach and heart feel?”
Nell: “I just had a huge dropping sensation in my stomach, like an anvil fell clunk onto the ground. My heart lost its happy.”
Me: “That’s absolutely wonderful – this is the kind of sign you’re looking for. That means this charity is not for you – that’s how you tell, by how your stomach and heart are feeling.”
Nell: “Is it really that easy? How do I know I can trust my own instincts here? I have no experience whatsoever of that charity we just tested.”
Maryam: “Because you’re working with the energy in your body which hooks up to the energy in the rest of the universe, and which contains the energy of that charity. You have enough info for your energy to go out and interface with the energy that charity is putting out, so you’re naturally going to be an attractor for the right kind of charity now.
Somehow, there’s something there that would not be right for you to get involved with in the charity you were just considering though, and that’s important. It could be a perfectly great charity, but for you in particular, would be a wrong move because their working model might conflict with the way you work, or it’s not a perfect match for your own goals.
That’s just a for-instance, but it’s generally something like that. Using your Passion Points really helps you hone in on what WILL work well for you. Now, consider the next charity on your list…”
Nell kept working through her list of twelve charities until she reach the last with the same result as the first.
Nell: “Ok, so they’re all a bust! What on earth do I do now?!”
Maryam: “Here’s a radical idea Nell – are you ready for radical?”
Nell: “I’m ready for the whole damned left wing right now, bring it on. ” (Nell’s a firebrand, did I mention that?)
Maryam: “What about forming your own charity, or other kind of structure to do this work and get these kids fed? Quick – don’t answer with your head, how do your heart and belly feel?”
Nell: (pondering) “Wow – that feels like champagne bubbles in my belly AND heart! And I remember that the first charity I mentioned I actually have a friend that just joined the board.”
Maryam: “And that’s your second Passion Point, those champagne bubbles. They’re teling you ‘BING!’ This is the one to go for!”
Nell: “Can we end early today? I really want to call them up right now. I just Googled, and the kid on their homepage is EXACTLY the kid I dreamed about helping last week. Oh. My. GOD – what a coincidence! I feel like I’m on freaking fire! I’m soooooo excited again about this, I can’t wait to talk to their HR Director!”
Maryam: (to Nell’s retreating back) “Nell, there are no coincidences.”